Author Billy Johnson II discusses his love and appreciation for Black men and explains why these types of sentiments need to be expressed more often.
What can a brother do for me?
See he can you help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can’t see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be
Ginuwine, RL of Next, Tyrese and Case
The Best Man Soundtrack (1999)
♦♦♦
I want to talk about why I love Black men.
When I decided to write about my love for Black men I completed a few Google searches using the “I love Black men” as my keywords. Much of what I found were articles and videos overwhelmingly completed by women. Based on the content I found, turns out that Black men are admired for everything from our “fat lips” and “undeniable swagger” to our “divine energy and “sensitivity” and everything in between. I should note that there were a small number of videos or columns which did little more than reinforce stereotypes of Black male sexuality.
Instead of providing my own generalizations of Black men, I reached out to two Black men that I love; Brothers I have been friends with since I joined Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., during my undergraduate days. I told them that the lack of Black men writing about loving each other, and we agreed that even though the three of us share a deep sense of love and loyalty, it is rare that we verbalize such feelings. Perhaps this is because of our own emotional socialization messages about not voicing certain feelings. I should acknowledge that it is my belief that this sentiment is connected to homophobia within our community which should be confronted.
After our conversation I told them I had decided to write about my love for them as a way of discussing my love for Black men. They agreed to write responses in kind. What will follow is each of our reflections on our initial meetings, conflicts, success and what we love about each other.
For starters I love that our personalities reflect of the heterogeneity within the Black American community; Joe being outspoken, outwardly gregarious and fearless. In contrast Chris being a natural leader, accepting, tolerant, and laid back. Meanwhile I tend to be introspective, introverted, passionate, yet slightly a loner. These differences play themselves out in everything from our dating taste, to our spiritual ideations. Yet one thing that has never changed is the respect, loyalty, and love we have for each other.
My love for them is not sexual but it’s oh so intimate! It is within their presence that I divulge my deepest darkest reflections because only they can truly understand the context in which these ideas exist. They see what I see, and know what I feel long before I disclose it. Furthermore, they are my advisors, never sugar-coating; they give it to me straight.
During our undergraduate days, Joe and I took the nightlife by storm! We hit the floor and didn’t leave until closing time, we hit the night out and we got home in the morning, we ‘hit on’ the ladies and we leave with phone numbers. Joe is the firewall, he runs hot and cold and can snap at any minute. I have easily had more expressed conflicts with Joe and he has no problem informing me when he feels I am wrong or ‘out of line’. Still, we always come back together with a new respect and deeper acceptance of each other. Furthermore, we are family, and if anyone is threatening a member of the family, he is quick to provide an impenetrable defense.
Meanwhile the easiest to confide in is Chris because no matter what I say, he will not judge me. Throughout our time in college and since that time, no matter what my issues have been, he has given me understanding and validation, this is just one of the reasons I am proud to say I love him.
These two hold me accountable, focused, and on the correct path. When I fall, fuck up, they usher to my feet, remind me of the path from which I have came and the path I need to now seek. This is why I love them, why I will always love them.
In many ways my love for Chris and Joe is consistent with the love I have for the Black American Male community. I feel an immediate sense of connection when I am in the company of Black men no matter if we are strangers or family. I love the diversity within our community, the strength and resolve that we have always shown. So too do I love the dynamism we have brought to everything from science and math to entertainment and arts. I will never forget that we are all inextricably connected. To hurt you is to hurt me, therefore as you have helped me, mentored me, supported me, fought for me, and enriched my spirit, so too was your spirit nurtured.
Read more:
Why I Love Black Men – Chris’ Story
Why I Love Black Men – Joe’s Story
Bill, Chris, and Joe have decided to write a book about their friendship, Black men, love and brotherhood. Find out more at 3forthefounders@gmail.com or on Facebook.
Read more stories of Platonic Friendship on The Good Life.
Image courtesy of the author